THE ONLY THING NOT WORKING FOR ME, IS ME

Lulu / 17 Jan, 2020

I know its a couple of weeks late, but Happy New Year friends!

I trust that you all had an enjoyable end to 2019 and start to 2020? Here is hoping that for each and everyone of you, this year will be the best one yet! That for you 2020 will be the year to mark all years, the year God does not stop showing off with you, and the year that there will be no drought when it comes to His blessings in your life and the lives of those you love. I know for sure that is something I hope for myself too, especially when it comes to this year being a season or time of no drought of Gods blessings over me and mine. I have been having so many “what will this year look like” or rather “what I hope this year will look like” conversations with a few family and friends lately, and one thing is certain, we all are looking for some kind of turnaround, some kind of trajectory shift— in fact in one of our conversations Gugu used the words rejuvenation and I loved that, because that’s exactly it. We need a rejuvenation in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual spaces we find ourselves in, and it is in these areas that I just can’t wait for God to show up and show off. I can’t wait to hear those testimonies, to see the fulfilment of our prayers, and the fruitfulness of all the goals we spoke about. And #WontHeDoIt. I just pray that it’s now, today, 2020, and I believe it will be. But, and you know there is always a but, outside of what God has to do, or will do, I am also awake to the fact that it’s also up to me. The vision that I see for myself this year is also up to me.

I know it’s pretty obvious, like duh, who ELSE would it be up to. Your life, your problem. But, honestly, we have become a people who often like to absolve ourselves from any responsibility.. especially when things go wrong, or seem too hard and may require just a little more effort on our part. The formula to absolve yourself I’ve found is this:

If something requires that much more effort for you to achieve, get on your knees and ask “please God help me with this”, and if whatever you have asked for doesn’t work out, it wasn’t your fault, because after all you prayed about it, and maybe it not working out is a sign that it shouldn’t.

And just like that, your life, not your problem. This is why you find some people beefing with God at the end of the year because they felt like He was on a year long holiday when it came to their lives, because all they see are desires which remain unmet, and a God who didn’t answer their prayers. I will raise my hand and say, it’s me. I am a people. And whether it was because I was shirking away from responsibility over my own life, or I truly believed it was above my pay grade and my challenges were a case for the The Holy Trinity, I reached the end of the year with some of my dreams and desires unmet, and very confused about it because there was definitely no shortage of prayers happening. And so obviously who’s fault is that? His. Right? Wrong. But also don’t get me wrong, this is not to say your problems are your own and give God a break. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DO THAT, because there are honestly some things that only God can do, and let me go deeper… there are some things that God wants to be the only one to do, but this is why when it seems like He is not showing up for those things it gets frustrating and it feels like He is sleeping on the job, and in these instances I believe you have free reign to pull Him for a chat, and ask Him a few questions — get upset with Him if you will, but when you’re finished, remember His will is always good and perfect.

But let’s talk about the things we do have control of, the things we have every ability and power to change but also just leave in Gods hands like “so I want to make x amount of money this year, this is on you too” meanwhile we’re at the same job, in the same position, not really looking for opportunities out there, and don’t really want to apply anywhere else because we are hoping for God to give us a sign. This is the sort of thing I would do. I would start off the year creating my best attempt at a vision board, put up cute little pictures of a YouTube logo (for example) because once upon a time I wanted to have a presence on Youtube, to be creative with video making and editing, to tell stories through “film”, but please ask me when the last time I picked my camera up was, or if I even picked it up once last year? Then I proceed to spend my time in a “woe is me” state, thinking everyone is more talented than me, more creative than me, has more skill than me… or (and most importantly) that God just has a different plan for me, but what’s my proof? My lack of effort? My laziness? My insecurities? Yes everyone is talented, created and skilful and as they should be, but I had to realise that that really has no bearing on my own talents, skills and creativity especially if I’m not even doing anything towards them. Then I have the nerve to tell my sister “I don’t think vision boards work for me”, when in reality the only thing not working for me, is me.

But the good news is, since then, (read: 5 days ago), I have grown. I am no longer the person I used to be. I am today years old and much wiser, because now I know that even though I magically want 2020 to be different, and I want God to perform all the miracles, and do the things that make the pots to be done, I’m also now going to be playing an assist position—so that at the end of the year I am not pulling God for a chat to a table that’s empty, and holding only Him accountable. It’s easy to do that and I love doing it because He is the One who can— case in point, Matthew 19:26. But then again, we have Philippians 4:13, which also says that I can do, not some, or a few, but all things through Him who strengthens me, which I guess… is true, because ultimately God did not go through all that effort to make people who cannot, in His own image. What a shoddy job that would have been. So that’s a lesson for me. That I am able, and I can… and frankly, I must. Hmm, how’s that for a motto— you are able, you can.. and frankly you must. Let’s put that on a t-shirt. But seriously, my motto since the start of the year has actually been to never say I can’t, until I can’t, and even then, try again for good luck. So that, along with walking by faith is how I aim to take on 2020.

So I gave the whole vision board thing another try, and I am so excited about this one because I can already feel the fire in me to make ONE, ANY of those things come true.. and that’s all I need. I don’t need the formula, or the answers (I lie, those would be great) I just need the fire.

But to end off, here is Proverbs 12:24 in the TPT (The Passion Translation) version that I also think hits the nail on the head and I hope encourages someone today:

So lets….. Happy New Year!

What are your “new years resolutions” — this could be anything from goals, desires, dreams, plans etc.. share if you care to, would love to hear from you. Here is one of mine: to read through the entire bible this year, oh and that YouTube logo is back on.

3 thoughts on “THE ONLY THING NOT WORKING FOR ME, IS ME

  1. Thanks Lulu for a ‘rejuvenating’ post – pursuit of vision with a ‘never say i cant until i cant attitude’.

  2. It’s always difficult navigating ‘sensitive’ areas and our dreams and goals are sensitive, mmmkkk! When we dare to dream big, we naturally tend to leave it in God’s hands because we are dreaming God-sized dreams. So, when it comes to figuring out what is for us to do and what is for God, it can become tricky, like you said. But I think your proposed approach is perhaps most practical, that is to actually do something. Through experience, I have learnt that you must ride the dream until you’ve worked your knuckles to the core (and possibly are bleeding🙈), before you can ‘reasonably’ expect God to step in.

    I know though that the fear is that we may feel as though we’re ‘going it alone’ or have become detached from God where our dreams/vision are concerned. But this way, when you do reckon with God, you can say ‘I gave it my all God.’ Better yet, you can look at your efforts at the end of the year or whatever undertaking, and KNOW that you did your best. So that should it not work out, you can’t fault your work/energy/input into the dream.

    I think fear of failure AND fear of greatness keep us from putting in all the hard work required. The former isn’t always easy to shirk off, because we live under constant worry of being ‘good enough’ or ‘as good as’ our fellow man. And if it doesn’t turn out the way someone else has done it, we’ve failed. Or it may just fail, even if we aren’t comparing our outcomes with anyone else’s. But so what? Failure, falling and not making the mark are par for the course in life. Not everything will do will 💯 succeed. You know that meme that has Micheal Jordan, Oprah, Steve Jobs, etc. and how they failed so many times before things worked out? You know how Beyoncé had to rethink her Ivy Park thingy and now she’s apparently got it right with the Adidas partnership? Yeah. Everyone. Everyone fails.

    But also, what if it doesn’t fail? And I know this all sounds cliche, but better to have tried than have not. Because you don’t know what greatness could lie ahead of your start or initial hard work. God helps those who help themselves. I hate that saying, but, OK. A place where it is actually proper appropriate🤣🤣🤣

    Also, Ephesians 2:10: For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

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